Depressed at the strengthless me..

today..i checked out utube..searching videos on one of the piece i'm practicing for auditions to University..Beethoven's piano sonata in C minor, Op.13, no.8( pathetique)..gosh,..i saw real geng ppl out there..scary man..i lagi scared when i think of deadlines!!!!!!!!! i'm so strenghtless..ppl who know me wil know..my limited strength..how to play Beethoven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!How????? gosh..which Uni will want me?? i'm so weak for Beethoven..my fingers are so small and tiny and strenthless..i practiced til i'm gonna break my baby finger..pathetique..yeah..great title..it suits me a lot..pathetique me..:( so mad at myself...stupid eli.. :( especially for movement 1. it's too madly strong for my fingers..pei wen..help me....:( i think i better go back to Chopin..i love Beethoven so much..but i dun hv the strength to play his songs...sorry, beethoven..i'm sorry..but..watever it is..u'll still always be in my heart.i'll love u greatly... i guess my teacher's right..i cna nvr win those japanese or koreans..gosh..are there lots of them in germany?? pls..dun..i'll be a sesame seed if there are loads of them in germany..
Paganini...possess me!! come on...possess me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls..i need ur soul in me...i'm so frus and mad and angry and depressed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate myself..