music?? engineering??

everytime when i wanna give up music..sure sth will happen to stop me..or someone will stop me..i planned everything..next year..study engineering..then..today,.Dominic told me...after 4 years, i'll still come back to music. i know what he say might be true..now i'm stuck..i scat i'l be wasting my dad's money..study engineering, but end up teaching music or joining an orchestra..uhh..

i told myself..NOT TO MEDDLE AROUND WITH MUSIC!!!! no more...no more..i hv to pull myself away...i hv to cut the bonding and relationship between me and music. i hv to..but i cant..eversince i am firm bout studying engineering, my soul is like..dying..bits by bits...day after day..i can feel my body getting weaker and weaker..a weaker soul..a weaker body..inside me..there's sth pushing me to go for engineering...but my brain tells me..no..eli..u cant..u'll fail ur 1st year..my heart pushes me forward...my brain pushes me backwards..forward...backward..forward..backward...aaaargggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!! noting can help me..noone can help me..i'm too weak for music..too sick for engineering..i guess i'm jus a failure..

1. if i fail my 1st year.i'll waste my dad's money
2. if i finish my 4 years study..come out and teach music or join orchestra..i'm wasting even more of my dad's money
3. i dun even know where to go to next year..
4. i dun even know wat to study
5. i dun even know if i'm prepared for engineering...
6. i'm not a bookworm nor a nerd who can sit down and study non stop
7. can i seriously live without music?
8. i havent learnt my 'praeludium and allegro' by kreisler yet!

fung chern hwei...i once said to myself..i'll go into music world..and i'll show u..i can be as good as u..but..i dun tink this will happen...i can only sit back and dream...dream of me..in an orchestra...can that ever be true? can my dreams come true?? or will i be stuck in a lab..counting figures..phyiscs..maths..count till i get mad??